Calgon, Take Me Away!

One thing I’ve learned with “age and experience” is that you have to keep your own well full in order to give to others. It’s so easy with our kids to put our entire heart and soul into them- putting aside ourselves and our other relationships. I often refer back to a favorite quote you will see posted here numerous times, “no healthy relationship involves guilt.” There is no guilt for taking some time to yourself or for others in your life. In fact, it is imperative you do so, in order to give your heart and soul to those who need you.

One of the first things our First Steps therapists talked me into was signing up for respite services. We knew a few young women who were friends of our family who were willing to do respite for us. We knew we could trust these girls and so we could have some time out as a couple or I could go out shopping - or whatever- and not worry about home.

Indulge in a hobby- not something where you feel guilty for not completing projects- but something that you enjoy and that you do for you. It can be by yourself or with someone else (or a group), but have an outlet for your inner self somehow. Learn a new talent or work on an old one- I tease that I have ‘hidden talents- ones even I can’t find!’ but its important I take some time to enjoy MY journey as well.

Friends- you must have them! I am blessed with wonderful friends. Some are from our church and my work, a couple are from an online support group and we found ourselves breaking off from the group and ‘hanging out’ just the three of us. When our dear friends from our everyday lives can’t understand our frustration, we three can rant and cry and anything else to each other because we know what the other is going through and have usually been there ourselves.

Extended family can be a great help or a source of frustration. I have heard of families that get caught up in the ‘genetic blame game’ or other destructive comparisons. I know that supportive, understanding, NONJUDGEMENTAL family can make all the difference- especially when you have a child who is a picky eater at Thanksgiving or who has a hard time with crowds and noisy celebrations and needs to walk away while the 15 cousins are singing “Happy Birthday to You!”

My main point is this, you need time to rejuvenate yourself and your relationships. You need support from those around you and understanding when its not a good day- and there WILL be those days! Its OK to have those days and to let others help when they happen. Most of all- NO GUILT- raising our children is difficult enough without adding that burden. Take time to take care of yourself- you can’t afford not to.