Team Building

[Kristi Sakai]

I think one of the major components in developing a team to support our kids on the spectrum is building the relationship between the individuals on the team itself. As a parent that may mean putting forth an extra effort to be pleasant and keep our cool when people blow it (the FIRST time..if it's been FIFTY times they've blown the same thing...another story), not being unneccesarily defensive (even if someone says something totally ridiculous), and to show up at IEP meetings with chocolate. Yes, that's right, truffles are the way to many a staff member's heart. Now, chocolate doesn't solve the world's problems, nor does it fix every problem at school or with staff members--I mean, let's face it, some people won't get it even if you club them over the head. But, I think it helps to show up with chocolate chip cookies or donuts. Author Jeffrey Cohen refers to he and his wife as "bagel parents" because that's their bribe, er, I mean, offering of choice. Here's mine--I go to autism conferences and pick up autographed copies of books for key staff members. Now you would THINK that they would be adequately impressed with an autographed copy of MY book, but it's that "you can't be a prophet in your own home town" kinda thing--go figure! But, hey, I'm certainly more impressed by Temple Grandin than I am with me, so I can hardly blame them! Last year I bought a slew of Hidden Curriculum Calenders and pinned Brenda Smith Myles to sign them for me. One each for the principals of my kids' schools, another for each of the speds and absolutely one for the superintendent. I think it helps grease the wheels. Anyway, I figure if they totally forget who I am, at least they might figure out the Hidden Curriculum concept. I plan to do it again THIS year. But I digress...

I think the most important things are to A. treat people as you would like to be treated B. don't jump down their throats at EVERY opportunity and C. cry wolf when you really need to--because by golly, I will if I need to. And hopefully by then I've built a sufficient relationship with some of those folks so they will not automatically assume I'm nuts and simply being a pain for no reason. Because of course they ALREADY know I'm a "difficult parent"! But they also know I will probably show up with something yummy to make the IEP meeting a little less unpleasant. That's my two cents.

[Jen]

I love this! My elementary principal now has Jordan's sped person email me his 'order' for meetings- what started out as a few candies, along w/ some grapes or something 'healthy' has turned into 2 kroger bags full w/ cookies, and whatever the team is fond of! The principal likes bananas- one slp was particular to nutter butters- it took him to the third year he had my son to finally take me seriously and tell me what he liked- but I knew we'd gotten to the place I was hoping for relationshipwise when he'd place his order! I know that sounds goofy- but it works! I also make a point of emailing people- and just as importantly their supervisors!- when someone does something above and beyond (or just good!) for one of my kids. Pointing out something that was helpful for my child not only gives a much needed pat on the back to those who can be very overworked, it also is a teaching opportunity. Sometimes they don't know what they did right!  Most importantly, I feel, is that they know I'm sincere- I'm sincerely trying to help my kids and I'm sincerely appreciative of their efforts.  I've been very lucky, unlike my friend Kristi who wrote above, in that our district and school special ed departments have not had high turnover- I've basically dealt with the same people all along- even when my oldest transitioned to middle and then high school, the supervisor made sure to help w/ the transition. That makes it so much easier to not have to start from scratch every year.
I guess the bottomline is that a good team relationship is sooo important- as parents, we can do our part by being supportive, appreciative and informed (for those times when the professionals aren't as up to speed on specifics about our kids).

[JanJT]

So, so, true!

One of the things I encourage parents to do is to become a 'provider of services' rather than just a 'consumer of services' -- throughout the school year. This can be challenging to do, but is very important. In elementary school, I was always involved in fundraising, working my butt off to generate income for the school.

Now that Will is in high school, I've taken a key role in leading a neighborhood-district-city committee to help resolve a terrible parking and traffic situation, along with volunteering in the career center.

It is VERY difficult for the principal or other key IEP players to sit in a room with a parent who has done a lot for the school and deny services. Not only am I part of the IEP team, I'm part of the broader school community!

The second comment I have is for parents to ensure that one person is the lead on the IEP team -- even if it is themselves! One person must be responsible for administering the IEP, but you would be surprised at how many districts fail to elect one person -- then, too many things fall through the cracks -- the teachers don't get the info they need from the SLP, the psychologist doesn't know that Dad has been traveling a lot, etc. In order to be a team, the participants must be in communication, which takes a facilitator...a simple truth, but often missed!

And yes, Kristi is right on about the chocolate! My trick was homemade brownies fresh out of the oven, LOL!

[mschlieder]

I can't agree with Jan more that one of the most important things a parent can do is to make sure an IEP manager (that's what we call them in my school) is designated whose responsibility it is to see that the IEP is implemented. All the child's teachers/principal/support staff/bus driver/lunchroom workers, etc. need to know who that person is. 

As a SPED teacher (1/3 of my caseload are middle and high school kids with AS), I serve as the "point person" for the kids on my caseload which makes things much easier for me, the child's parents, adults in the school, and even his classmates.  People (even the bus driver!) know they can communicate with me when there are difficulties (as well as successes!), and it's easier for parents to have one person to share with, sometimes on a daily basis.  In my school, even peers know I'm the person to talk to when they have questions or concerns, which is VERY beneficial in knowing what's going on "behind the scenes" in the hallways, in the cafeteria, and on the bus.

It's o.k. to ask at the very beginning of the school year who will be the person responsible for overseeing the implementation of your child's IEP and determining a good way for you to communicate with that person on a regular basis.  I for one, welcome and am grateful for any and all input from parents because after all, they're the ones who know their child the best.

Best wishes to you all as you gear up for a new school year!
Mary Schlieder

[Jen]

Thanks so much for your imput, Mary- and WELCOME!
My son in HS has the best sped person- she is all over the school for 'her kids'- every teacher knows the scoop on each of her kids by the first day of school and we meet w/in the first two weeks to make sure supports are in place and understood. She is amazing- and as Cam's mom, I couldn't appreciate it more.
Hope to see you around here often!
Jen

[mschlieder]

Thanks for the warm welcome, Jen!  I'm happy to answer parent questions that arise and offer suggestions on how they can help create supportive school communities for their kids...all from a SPED teacher's point of view...I've seen a lot of what works and what doesn't work over the years and would be glad to share  ideas anytime.
Take care,
Mary