Just for fun here is a portion of my book, Finding Our Way (pgs 98-100) that contains some humorous, although not ENTIRELY realistic ways of dealing with family members. For some real helpful suggestions for handling holiday meals, for example, take a peek at the AAPC Community of Support newsletter Fall/Winter 2005 at
www.asperger.net Dealing with Family Members Who Don't Believe There Is Such a Thing as AS
You know the type. He the one who doesn't believe there is anything "wrong" with your child other than your bad parenting. The one who says, "All that kid needs is a good spanking." He's your brother or your uncle. It might be your mother in law who never did approve of your "new-fangled" way of parenting in the first place. And whether she says it or not, you just know she thinks this is somehow YOUR fault. In other words, some family members don't believe you when you say your child has Asperger Syndrome. They've never heard of it, but they've seen spoiled brats and when they see your child refusing to eat the green bean casserole ladled onto his plate at Thanksgiving dinner, they just know your child fits that description. No need for diagnosis....
When explanation falls on deaf ears, here are some ideas--some humorous, others more serious-for handling doubters who are stuck in their own way of thinking and probably will not change.
Ignore them but think about your response if you were to speak. This is both educational and entertaining, much better than the usual family-gathering conversation. But beware of acidentally chuckling out loud to yourself as this might bring forth another string of unwanted opinions about YOU.
Have humorous responses ready to their comments. When they say, "That kid needs a good spanking", you could counter with, "Well it certainly didn't do YOU any good." or "So do you, come here!" Make sure smile and laugh, then they won't realize you are really serious.
Use your inside information to your advantage. Everyone hates at least one thing and avoids eating it. If family members make comments about the food, or lack thereof, on your child's plate, be sure to bring THAT food (the one the nosy relative hates)to the next family gathering and ladle it generously onto the grumpy person's plate.
Use the "allergy" defense. "My child is allergic to lettuce" (list any green vegetable or other offending food item here). Even smelling it will make him throw up instantly." This usually frightens people sufficiently to keep the salad away from the kiddie table.
Pull them aside and express how much you appreciate their concern for your child. Ask them if they would like to spend MORE time with your family; perhaps they'd like to drive you to your child's next therapy appointment?
Change the subject. If you don't feel like dealing with it say, "You know, I just really don't understand this whole "aspergery thingy" either, that's why I leave it up to the doctor! Could you please pass the mashed potatoes? Also good for diffusion: "Maybe you're right. I'll think about what you said, VERY CAREFULLY." Then immediately put it into the recycle bin in your mind.
If all else fails, mention the most eccentric and/or dysfunctional relative. Every family has one. Say, "Too bad they weren't able to diagnose Great Uncle So and So back then, he might have bee a different man if he'd received treatment as a child. Thank God we found it in time!" (Caution, make sure your child is not within earshot, especially if he knows who Great Uncle So and So was.)
Kristi Sakai
www.kristisakai.net 
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