HELLO,I'M A NEWBE TO THIS GROUP

[BRIES MOM]

HI,I AM NEW TO THIS FORUM.I HAVE A 17 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WITH ASP. I CAME HERE TO SEE HOW OTHERS HANDLE OLDER CRITICAL SYBLINGS.I seem to be blammed for being an enabler,or bad parenting skills i know how wrong they are. This is my biggest hurdle,takeing the brunt for doing what i know is the best for my daughter!! i just need some kind helpful words of support thank you!!!

[Jen]

Welcome!
I'm sure there are others here in your situation- in our house, our oldest and youngest are on the spectrum and its the two in the middle who think they (esp the youngest) 'gets away with stuff'. we do our best to make sure each child gets one on one time w/ a parent and then there are other times we just have to take a stand and tel the middle two there are struggles they don't have to deal with and while we are sorry they feel things 'aren't fair', or whatever, we do the best we can as parents and that's just how it is. We do try and listen in their complaints for things we can improve on and we try to point out ways they can say things to get their point across that are acceptable, since we aren't perfect as parents and sometimes we can get too close to a situation. But overall, our approach has been to try and keep as much of a balance as is possible w/ these kids and to try and 'remove obstacles' for all our kids- showing them that they are treated as individuals.
 Hope that helps alittle.

[Cindy]

HI Bries Mom!
I have a 14 y/o with AS and know what your mean, except he is the critical one of his younger bro w/autism.  Of course we have been critisized by relatives (behind the back of course) but have just learned to ignore it.  I just tell people ok, take just about everything you know about parenting and throw it in the trash. 
Like Jen, we too try to give the kids special one on one time. 
ASD can be so cruel to the very high functioning because the deficits are hidden and so difficult to deconstruct into workable steps.  Hang in there and be strong.

[BRIES MOM]

THANK YOU FOR YOUR REPLY CINDY .MY OTHER KIDS ARE IN THERE THIRTYS AND ARE NOT EDUCATED IN THE FACTS.THEY SIMPLEY DONT GET IT  AT ALL! THEY THINK BRIEKNOWS EXACTLEY WHAT SHE IS DOING  THAT SHE IS A SMART GIRL AND  IS PULLING THE WOOL OVER EVERYONES EYES,AND IF SHE KEPT THIS UP SHE WOULD AMOUNT TO NOTHING.AS FOR THEM WITH MYSELF THEY ALSO THINK I ENABLE HER TO BE THE WAY SHE IS. I KNOW THEY ARE WRONG.I HAVE WORKED REALLY HARD WITH THE HIGH SCHOOL IN THE LAST THREE YEARS .AT FIRST THEY DIDN'T SEE WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT EITHER BUT IT ALL SHOWED UP AS WE WENT ALONG.NOW THE SCHOOL IEPS ARE DESIGNED TO DO WHAT EVER IT TAKES TO GET HER THROUGH SCHOOL AND BEYOUND.BRIE HAS A TEAM OF PEOPLE THAT HELPS US OUT WITH MOST ISSUES AND SO FAR IT'S HELPED SO MUCH . BRIE HAD TO DO THE SECOND SEMESTER FROM HOME BECAUSE SHE CRASHED AFTER THE FIRST HALF! SHE WAS ONE GRADE FROM HONOR ROLE .IT ISEN'T ABOUT BEING SMART WHICH MY OTHER KIDS DONT UNDERSTAND, IT'S EVERY SOCIAL ASSPECT THAT CAN COME INTO PLAY AMOUNG OTHERS THINGS  AS WELL! THEY ARE PARENTS ALSO NOT WITHOUT TRIALS BUT THEY ARE SO VERY JUDGEMENTAL AND CONTROLING WHERE SHE IS CONCERNED. IT WOULD BE GREAT TO GET SUPPORT AND NOT HATEFUL WORDS OR JUDGEMENTS WHICH THEY ARE CLUELESS! THANKS FOR THE EAR CINDY!!